Human Stuff - The Little Mermaid

Confessions

SCUTTLE
Wow – this is special… this is very, very unusual.

ARIEL
What? What is it?

SCUTTLE
It’s a dinglehopper!

ARIEL
A dinglehopper?

SCUTTLE
Oh, these babies are fantabulous. Absolutely indispensary.
When it comes to dinglehoppers, I’m a regular encyclopoodia!

Say thatcha wanna have a hairdo
Like the folks who live up there do
That’ll flap their wigs!

GULL 1
Flop their wigs!

GULL 2
Flap!

GULL 3
Awwwk!

SCUTTLE
Well, you’ll look absolutely dandy
If you use one of these handy
Little thingmajigs!

GULL 1
Thingmabobs.

GULL 2
Jigs!

GULL 1
Bobs!

GULL 3
Awwwk!

SCUTTLE
Pick up the dinglehopper, just like so
Twirl it the way I’m twirling now! Give it a little yank, and there ya go!
You’re what they call “the dog’s meow”!

GULLS
Wonderful stuff!

GULL 3
Awwwk!

GULLS
That human stuff! Can’t get enough—

GULL 3
Awwwk!

GULLS
Of human stuff! And we are the authority—
No need for us to bluff!
Because we’re great at explanatin' Human stuff!

ARIEL
(holds a pipe) What’s that?

SCUTTLE
A snarfblatt!

ARIEL
Wow!

SCUTTLE
Back when the world was prehistoral, People sat as still as coral. Flat upon their bumps

GULL 1
On their runts!

GULL 2
Bunks!

GULL 3
Awwwk!

SCUTTLE
There they would be, not even thinkin’
Bored to death and barely blinkin’
Way down at the dumps

GULL 1
On the dumps!

GULL 2
At!

GULL 1
On!

GULL 3
Awwwk!

SCUTTLE
Then they invented snarfblatts, just by chance.
Suddenly life was la-di-da! Snarfblatts’re what you use to
make folks dance!
Give it a blow, and then – voilà!

GULLS
Wonderful stuff!

GULL 3
Awwwk!

GULLS
That human stuff! If you’re a buff—

GULL 3
Awwwk!

GULLS
Of human stuff!

GULL 1
It’s marvable!

GULL 2
Stupendiful!

SCUTTLE
Completely A-OJ!
Which sounds absurd, but take my word—

SCUTTLE & GULLS
That’s what the humans say!
Sensible stuff
That human stuff!
None of it fluff—
Not human stuff!
And heaven knows
Since we’re the pros
From us, you’ll get no guff

SCUTTLE
And once you’ve got your who’s-ma-gig—

GULL 1
A thinga-ma-what—

GULL 2
A whatch-ma-gig—

SCUTTLE
That’s all you need to bring you up to snuff!

GULLS
Right up to snuff!
With proper dinglehopper groomin’
Rest assured... you’ll look real human!

SCUTTLE, GULLS & ARIEL
We know, ‘cause we know
Human stuff!